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  1. #1
    Cozy Star Array cherrykisses's Avatar
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    Default Malay/Muslim weddings

    Hi dearies,

    Any Malay/Muslim ladies getting married in the near future? Or are already married?

    Let's share and discuss everything about malay/muslim weddings, ie cultural customs and practices, budget, malay bridal boutique reccomendations, venue decorations, etc etc.


  2. #2
    Cozy Star Array cherrykisses's Avatar
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    since i started this thread, i'll start the ball rolling.

    after being together for more than 2 years and known each other for about 8 years before that, the boyfriend has recently been talking about settling down. there is no official proposal yet (we're malay muslims, and traditionally in our culture, an official proposal means engagement) but we have sort of drawn up a timeline that we are both agreeable to - an engagement in 2009 & the wedding in 2012/early 2013. if all goes well, we'll be tying the knot at 27 years of age.

    we have not set a specific budget for the wedding yet, but we're roughly looking into saving up 50k between the both of us. the concern at the moment is whether this amount of money would be enough to pay for everything, given the rising costs of weddings these days.

    will 50k be enough to pay for...

    1. two wedding lunches/majlis bersanding & a solemnisation ceremony/majlis pernikahan for both sides, ie 2x venue decorations, a complete bridal package, 2x wedding favours, photo/videography, 2x on-site entertainment, 2x food buffet catering

    (i know a lot of malay couples are now going into combined lunches to cut costs, but knowing my traditional parents, they'll disagree for sure. plus holding a combined wedding lunch would mean certain standard actual-day itineraries would have to be scrapped (correct me if i'm wrong here), like the part where the groom fetches his bride at her place, and as silly as this sounds, its one of my most favourite parts of the wedding and i don't want to do without it)

    2. the dowry as well as wedding gifts. i estimate the gifts to cost $2k per person. the dowry will be decided by my parents, so no idea on that yet

    3. other misc like bridal car deco, cake, wedding gift decorations, henna, invitation cards, green packets for the relevant people, booking of venue, kadi fee, etc etc

    4. i'm wondering if we can fit a honeymoon into this budget as well. no destination set yet, though

    as for life after marriage, there is a high likely that we'll be staying with my parents, at least for the next few years after marriage so i'm not too concerned about setting up a budget for a house. once we get engaged, we might try our luck with the hdb balloting system. if we're lucky enough to hit jackpot and secure a flat, we can always move in at a later date and start reno works bit by bit. my parents are not too keen on us staying on our own anyway, so im sure they will think of many excuses to keep us in my childhood home.

    i need ideas, thoughts and tips from fellow malay brides or even those who's already crossed that bridge of love. anyone willing to share their wedding costs?

  3. #3
    Cozy Star Array cherrykisses's Avatar
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    Default

    oh and to add on, i'm particularly interested in how much wedding powerhouses like fatimah mohsin wedding gallery, rh bridal, anggerik impian decos, sultanah wedding svcs charge?

  4. #4
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    Hi Cherrykisses!

    I just got engaged last month, and mine's a 2-year 'contract'. Haha. So most probably me wedding's gonna be in 2010. 27-year-old bride too if everything goes as planned! Haha! However, I really don't mind if me and the SO delay the wedding. I really don't have to rush it. :bath:

    However, like you, I'm now beginning to be excited and also concerned over the actual cost of a Malay/Muslim wedding. You know like me and bf both happy happy get engaged, but both still no money kind? Hahaha! So after I read that you and your SO intend to save $50k between the both of you, I must take my hat off! If that much is needed, I probably won't be a bride til I'm 35 or something!

    Sigh, but you set me back to reality. Weddings do cost that much huh?

    1. Wedding Feast / Sanding
    Among the hazy wedding ideas that are shared between me and fiance, one of it is to share the function together. However it may get too ginormous too, considering the size of our families. But I'm still keen, you know? Just one wedding feast/majlis persandingan to last one day. Pak-bing-bing all in one place, all the makan, all the karaoke and hurrah and by night time everything is done.

    But then I don't know whether the parents are ok with this arrangement...

    2. Wedding Gifts & Dowry / Hantaran
    Yeah I think $2k for wedding gifts is ok. In fact for my engagement gifts, I spent less than that, and it included a ring for him too. I know the gifts should be a little bit more lavish than an engagement's, but I'm sure if you're a wise shopper $2k will get you lotsa great gifts for him! I also find that to a certain aspect, boys' stuff are less expensive. Heh lucky for us girls!

    3. House
    Sigh. I think I admit defeat when it comes to buying a house. Although I've never tried it out for myself, there have been far too many horror stories of people waiting and waiting in the queue for HDB. Anyone out there who can testify that this balloting system ain't that bad after all?
    I'm resigned to either staying with the parents or to spend on a resale flat. Way more expensive but at least it skips the hassle of waiting and waiting and waiting.

    ---

    HEY! Wait a minute. Cheerykisses, I just realised that I've been no help to you at all! You started the thread with the intention of getting a more solid idea about wedding costs and here I am - with no clue whatsoever - feeding you with my ideas about my wedding. Wahahaha!

    Sorry, sorry for being so extra.

    I think I shall sit back with you and wait for other responses so that I can have a friggin idea about how much to save! Paiseh.

  5. #5
    Cozy Star Array cherrykisses's Avatar
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    thecupcakepixie, don't call yourself an extra! who says you're not of any help? you never know when anything you say now will benefit anyone in the future. anyway, feed me with your wedding ideas! we can share. hehe.

    first off, congrats on your engagement! i'm still waiting for my boy to propose properly, but its not going to happen until next year.

    if you're willing to reveal this, may i know how much are you & your fiance intending to save up for your wedding?

    50k is a rough estimate between me and my boy. i'm not sure if it takes that much to hold a wedding, though. we're not looking to have a grandish wedding (although i do have my fantasies, haha); just a decent function will do. however we set the budget as such so that we can get by comfortably.

    i don't think a combined lunch is feasable for my family too. i have a pretty close-knitted HUGE HUGE HUGE family so i'm afraid things will go too out of hand if i combine the lunches. also, i'm afraid of conflicts that may arise from both sides of the families should we decide to do a combined lunch. :/ however the thought of having more money to spend on other aspects of the wedding (like honeymoon!) sounds good too, on the other hand.

    actually, sometimes i think its a little too far-fetched for me to start planning and giving too much thought into this since its going to happen only in another four years time.

    i mean, he hasn't even proposed yet, although of late i've noticed a difference in him. i don't even know how to explain it.

    i haven't really discussed this with any of my friends for fear of them thinking i'm too ridiculous. but i'm a planner by nature, i'm always planning things and foreseeing problems way ahead in time, which is both good and bad. already i can see that the next few years will be a highly stressful period for both he and i, thus we're spreading out our timeline over 3+ years so that we won't find ourselves frantically fighting against time towards the end.



    i need tips on saving money! lol.

  6. #6
    Cozy Star Array D3stiny's Avatar
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    Hey ladies! Glad to be joining the club!

    No official proposal for me either but SO and I have been discussing it recently... I've no idea where to start like what to have and the budget for it.

    We're aiming about 30k for now, should be enough for a nice affair. We're not into the big weddings and we're probably gonna go for simple but nice. A dinner for close/immediate relatives & family and a general venue for everyone else.

    If all goes well, it'll happen 2-3 years from now but gosh, saving's just crazy! How will you girls save? SO and I opened a joint account recently and decided on a fixed amount to save every month - a suggestion from my cousin who did this to save for her wedding.

    Does anyone know how much to put aside for invitations, a photo shoot and a nice dinner venue for maybe 100 - 150 people? A few of my colleagues had bad experiences at Orchid Country Club so I'm not looking at that at all. Will you prefer having the solemnisation ceremony over at ROMM or a masjid of your choice? Any idea how much both will cost?

    Lots of questions here, sorry! I've really no clue where to start!

  7. #7
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    hi ladies,i just want to find out if your boyfriend proposed marriage to you with an engagement ring (just like in most movies) ? Because since I was little I have this dream of being proposed to with an engagement ring...I am a muslim btw... i dont intend to sound "materialistic", but I studied well and worked hard and behaved myself that somehow I feel my expectations are justified. Please let me know what you think? What is your dream proposal like?
    Last edited by midnightgale; 07-11-2008 at 02:03 PM. Reason: add

  8. #8
    Cozy Star Array D3stiny's Avatar
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    midnightgale: Quite a number of people I know have had their bfs propose to them... So I don't think it's materialistic or anything. If a boy wants us for life, he better know how to ask us right!

    But just a note, if your bf is not the romantic sort, you may need to hint/tell him that you'd like a proposal. Even as my bf and I are starting to make plans and discuss the future on a more serious level, I've made it clear to him that he better propose some time, some how!

    Hey, it's once in a lifetime right? I think our guys owe us at least that

    Just my !

  9. #9
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    Thanks D3stiny...i feel a lot better now. However, a diamond ring doesn't sit well with my bf due to some superstitious belief he has Anyway, he told me we gotta find a ring for me.

    Please share if there's any non-diamond engagement ring you can think of ladies...Im thinking...a sapphire ring?

  10. #10
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    i read somewhere of how more couples are getting cheaper package deals especially with the expected recession hitting spore soon, and thus more bridal galleries are trying to cater to these demands. I guess it's about what you want and then working your finance towards it by sourcing for cheaper alternatives maybe? Sigh, times are getting harder for people to get married, and then plus the life after that one/two day/s affair, I'm actually scared for myself and the Bf. We're most probably skipping the engagement part, just his side coming over to present a token/ring. maybe that can save us some moolah.

  11. #11
    Cozy MegaStar Array deebz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by midnightgale View Post
    hi ladies,i just want to find out if your boyfriend proposed marriage to you with an engagement ring (just like in most movies) ? Because since I was little I have this dream of being proposed to with an engagement ring...I am a muslim btw... i dont intend to sound "materialistic", but I studied well and worked hard and behaved myself that somehow I feel my expectations are justified. Please let me know what you think? What is your dream proposal like?
    hey i think it is more sweet if he tell you he want to marry u then come to your house and propose. at least his parents will agree and yours too.

  12. #12
    Cozy Star Array D3stiny's Avatar
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    midnightgale: Well, I guess you can go look around online to see what kinda of stones/settings you may like and narrow it down from there

    starlette: I've been looking into the engagement process and I think it shouldn't cost too much if you can find ways to fit it into your budget. You probably just need to set aside funds for catering (better if someone in your family can do the cooking), engagement gifts and probably some for the person officiating the ceremony. hths!

    deebz: This way of proposing is traditional and an engagement can only be considered official after both sets of parents agree on it. I do agree that a personal proposal is definately more romantic, but this is an essential step in the engagement process.
    Last edited by D3stiny; 12-11-2008 at 11:53 AM.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by midnightgale View Post
    hi ladies,i just want to find out if your boyfriend proposed marriage to you with an engagement ring (just like in most movies) ? Because since I was little I have this dream of being proposed to with an engagement ring...I am a muslim btw... i dont intend to sound "materialistic", but I studied well and worked hard and behaved myself that somehow I feel my expectations are justified. Please let me know what you think? What is your dream proposal like?
    hi girl, i think regardless of culture, it is very romantic to be proposed to.

    if your bf is superstitious about diamonds (what is the superstition anyway? just curious), a sapphire ring will make a lovely engagement ring.

  14. #14
    Cozy Star Array D3stiny's Avatar
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    Found this magazine, which was recommended by my colleague - Majalah Perkahwinan and I got the print edition which was really helpful imo. It's got so much info that would be impossible to find everything online... It's $6.90 per issue or $18 for an annual subsciption of 4 issues a year. Do share your reviews of anything interesting you find in the magazine. I've got it for the ads more than anything cuz reading the malay articles gives me a headache Hope you'll find it useful, ladies!

  15. #15
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    hello ladies..

    just to share. he proposed recently (like, finally!!) although it was at a playground, wasnt romantic and no ring but am glad enough he made tt effort. but as you know being muslim, we still have to go through the formal meet the parents session. so our family are gonna meet in Dec to 'minang' and get engage at the same time, discuss the other terms (duration n hantaran).

    we're just doing a v simple family affair.. no gifts or me dressing up for the day. which saves us a lot actually.. only the engagement ring, which i'm looking for on my own cos i dun want his mum to end up buying something i dun like. heh..

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