mixed marriages 2008; any1....?

[dalilprincess]

cheeks : Wow, that's good! Can't help but feel excited for you! =DD

[scarletta]

hi dalilncess, my bf is chinese/ malay mixed and is a muslim whereas i am chinese. we have been worrying abt what would happen when we get married too. like would i have to convert and other problems. bf feels it would be unfair that i would have to convert. he even suggested converting out of Islam. is that even possible???

[dalilprincess]

hi dalilncess, my bf is chinese/ malay mixed and is a muslim whereas i am chinese. we have been worrying abt what would happen when we get married too. like would i have to convert and other problems. bf feels it would be unfair that i would have to convert. he even suggested converting out of Islam. is that even possible???

hey there, well technically if you are marrying a muslim and if you're not, you'd have to convert. alot of work goes into studying the religion and stuff, so i've heard. i can understand how you're bf feels. technically there's no such thing as converting out of the religion, but there are still people that do. eg, my older brother is now a catholic and my dad is a christian.

my personal opinion is that, even though i don't really practice the religion, i still believe that i have to embrace it sooner or later because i was already raised as muslim. i don't know, i may sound quite contradicting. i'm just letting things come and go naturally and see where everything takes me. =//

[scarletta]

well, yeah, we're taking things real slow too... my bf doesnt practice Islam too. he's more of like "by name" a muslim though he was brought up with Muslim teachings.

how come your dad and bro didnt become Muslims? They changed their religion??

[mayaray]

just across the border, people make it their business what one's religion is. I think as long as you both see eye to eye you can work something out.If not-migrate!

[cherrykisses]

i guess at the end of the day, its really to each his own.

mayaray - interesting story. i've heard of similar stories as well, one of it involving the famous ashley isham.

dalilprincess - i know what you mean. my best friend once dated someone out of our religion too, and they broke up in the end because she saw it going nowhere. ultimately, you do have to give it a lot of thought and talk to everyone that will be affected whether directly or otherwise, like your so himself, yourself, parents, your lives after the marriage, etc etc.

cheeks is right, religion is really a sensitive issue. i've heard that conversion into islam is ideally if the person does it out of his own accord, because he believes in the religion's teachings, and wants to follow it wholeheartedly, and not only to be able to get married with his dream girl.

cheeks - good luck on your wedding! i wish you and your hubs-to-be everlasting love.

scarletta - we live in a very modernised world nowadays, hence the birth of "modern muslims". no im not referring to your so or even anyone in general (please don't get offended ok ) but its a sad truth, and in a way, even i myself fall into the category of a modern muslim, ie one who believes in islam's teachings, but who doesn't wholly practice it. like i don't take alcohol, i don't deal with dogs, eat pork but on the other hand, i don't wear a headress. no, i'm not proud of these facts but we're all under the influence of the community we live in. but like dalilprincess said, i'll have to embrace it one day (ie the headress).

and my own story to share, my mom's a chinese who converted into islam just slightly before she met my dad. by the time they got married, she's well suited with islam's teachings. thus i have a set of aunties who are 100% chinese, but we're not close because they abandoned my mom when she chose to convert.

and to everyone, whatever the religion issues may be, i wish all of you the very best. i believe it takes a lot of hard work to work upon issues like this because ultimately it will affect your entire life, and its not something everyone can do. i really take my hats off to you guys.

at the end of the day, i always believe, love will find a way.

[cheeks]

cheeks : Wow, that's good! Can't help but feel excited for you! =DD

hehe.. im excited t00.. and very scared..

[cheeks]

i guess at the end of the day, its really to each his own.

mayaray - interesting story. i've heard of similar stories as well, one of it involving the famous ashley isham.

dalilprincess - i know what you mean. my best friend once dated someone out of our religion too, and they broke up in the end because she saw it going nowhere. ultimately, you do have to give it a lot of thought and talk to everyone that will be affected whether directly or otherwise, like your so himself, yourself, parents, your lives after the marriage, etc etc.

cheeks is right, religion is really a sensitive issue. i've heard that conversion into islam is ideally if the person does it out of his own accord, because he believes in the religion's teachings, and wants to follow it wholeheartedly, and not only to be able to get married with his dream girl.

cheeks - good luck on your wedding! i wish you and your hubs-to-be everlasting love.

scarletta - we live in a very modernised world nowadays, hence the birth of "modern muslims". no im not referring to your so or even anyone in general (please don't get offended ok ) but its a sad truth, and in a way, even i myself fall into the category of a modern muslim, ie one who believes in islam's teachings, but who doesn't wholly practice it. like i don't take alcohol, i don't deal with dogs, eat pork but on the other hand, i don't wear a headress. no, i'm not proud of these facts but we're all under the influence of the community we live in. but like dalilprincess said, i'll have to embrace it one day (ie the headress).

and my own story to share, my mom's a chinese who converted into islam just slightly before she met my dad. by the time they got married, she's well suited with islam's teachings. thus i have a set of aunties who are 100% chinese, but we're not close because they abandoned my mom when she chose to convert.

and to everyone, whatever the religion issues may be, i wish all of you the very best. i believe it takes a lot of hard work to work upon issues like this because ultimately it will affect your entire life, and its not something everyone can do. i really take my hats off to you guys.

at the end of the day, i always believe, love will find a way.

thks cherrykisses! need all e luck i could get! wasnt easy for me to make this
decision. i've always thought marriage is for "adults" not me.. haha..
silly right.. finally im takin e big step..

[dalilprincess]

very out of point, but my bf and i are finally discussing breaking up due to the whole marriage issue!

seeked advice from my dad and brother (who have already converted) and they told me that I should just rom. i thought I could let go of the guy if I had to, but apparently I can't..

my heart tells me that i should just go ahead and rom, because to me, why can't two people who share the same core values about a relationship and each other, be together yet have different believes! after all, religion isn't something that should be forced. but i'm really afraid about the impact of my decision towards my mum. she's old and she might not be able to handle the blow..

yet at the same time, why should i be unhappy, please the world and give up the guy that I honestly believe is meant for me! (

this might sound rather contradicting towards my previous replies, but this is how I feel right now..

any takes on this? :'(

[DustyFae]

dalilprincess, sweetie.. i dont think you should give up your bf at all! it is very hard to find someone as precious as your bf, and i dont want you to live in regret in the future knowing that you gave something so special up.
why not discuss about this to your mom, i am sure she wants you to be happy too, above anything else.
keep us posted? good luck!

[ninenine8]

dalilprincess, yes..if you feels tt he's the one...go for it...
my fren is a chinese...she is married to a malay guy...she did not convert, mainly ROM in civil way, which means ROM in the registrar of Marriage and not the muslim one....both don't have to convert. last week, she just gave birth to a cute baby boy :D

[dalilprincess]

Dustyfae, ninenine8 : Thanks for the replies. I don't think I should give the guy up, but at the same time if I'm willing to go through all this, I'm surprised he isn't as willing to "sacrifice" as much as I am willing to.. Makes me rather disappointed, like maybe he doesn't love me enough?

I just had a talk with my other brother and despite agreeing about certain disagreements when it comes to religion, he thinks I shouldn't do the civil marriage.. I don't know, quite confusing. It's especially difficult, when I have tooo many relatives that will probably gossip alot. Not that it really bothers me, but it's stressful to have the world breathing down my neck about the decision..

Although my mum might want me to be happy, she might suffer in silence? I'm not sure.. Just very confused. :'(

[The Queen]

Sorry to dig this thread up after 2yrs.

i'm in the same position as dalilprincess.

but i'm a chindian/christian and my BF is a malay/muslim.
He's neutral about my converting but i told him i'm not willing - ever.

Apparently he managed to bring up the topic to his mum and she was unwilling to
let him get hitch in the civil way. I was quite upset and thought of ways how we can turn this to a win-win situation coz i feel damn bad if i were to be the cause of both mother n son's fallout.

I told him i'd convert but i would not have any kids.
becoz the child will be a muslim by birth.

or

we'll married in the civil way and have a kid. (becoz he wants kids)

A sacrifice i'm willing to make.
either way i should be able to make his family happy right?
but deep down inside i do not wish to convert at all.
I even told him if i were to convert, it'd be so hush hush only his family n my immediate family will know.

he told me he'd prefer if i wanna convert willingly.
which will never be the case. I don't wanna be selfish either....
then again i'm probably not gonna be happy.

PS pls take to offence to this post. i'm not against muslims or anything.
Just a personal perference. Thanks