Secondy, what is 'htht'?
Ya... Communication in fact is important in anything and everything.
Be it relationship or friendship or between co-workers.
Many of the trouble and quarrels start due to lack of communication, or wrong communication...
Even 3rd party or what, mainly cause is due to 'communication' as well...
Communication is very important, this friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend of five years because he can't communicate with her at all. Each time they talk they will quarrel. They don't see things the same way, both parties refused to give in.
But if I could receive a dollar for everytime someone says "communication is important in a relationship", I would have become a trilionaire by now.
It's such a dull dull dull answer !
Can someone here tell me and give me specific examples of what one means by "communication is important" ? As in trashing it out over the table ? As in confronting each other with knives and weapons ? Or do we mean sit down over a cup of coffee and list down all topics in writing beforehand ?
Communication isn't news flash and is such an old headline. We all know communication is important. What I'm interested to read is how does someone specifically communicate with each other in a relationship ? Any examples ? Any specifics ? How does one deals with conflicts in your relationship ?
Most people I know hate confronting and communicating to each other. So the fact that the word communication keeps popping up all over the board baffles me.
For me communication in a relationship doesn't mean to trash out, or to have a talk during coffee break or what...
To me, communication consists of 3 part/type...
1) Communication via Mouth (Talking/chatting/quarreling =D)
2) Communication via Heart (Heart to Heart talk)
3) Communication via Body (Body language? Or perhaps so-call make love...)
Be it just a simple 'How's your day at work?' to serious talk about marriage or part of life, is a way of communication with each other. I believe that a simple 'how are your day' can lead to more discussion and talk about each other stress, happiness, unhappiness etc for that day... And can even understand each other better...
There are so many ways communication can go wrong in a relationship. As mentioned, some people are afraid of confrontation. They don't dare to talk to their partner when they are upset, so they start throwing their temper around in a passive aggressive manner. If you ask them what's wrong, they'd refuse to tell you. Then there are those who keep minor hurts inside, never address these hurts with their partner and let the hurts grow and grow and grow until they burst like a volcano over a small thing that has upset them. After that, there's no way to repair the relationship anymore. They have put up with so much for so long that the bitterness has eaten away all their feelings for their partner.
Then, there are those who are too confrontational. They start shouting matches with you. They insist you get down their car in the middle of nowhere at night because they are angry with you. Some even use their fist on you if they cannot get you to agree with them.
A lot of people also fall into the category of wanting to win every argument. It's their way or no way. In some cases, if you tell them they have done something to upset you, they will insist you're the one who is at fault, you cannot accept them fully for who they are, or they feel they cannot be totally honest with you etc. No such thing as apologizing, admitting in any form or manner they could be wrong, or not doing certain things again in the future. They are so self absorbed they are incapable of seeing things from someone else's perspective, or caring about anyone else's feelings other than their own.
In some cases, people just don't have any respect for their partner. They start making fun of and belittling the other person. They don't fight fair, hit below the belt or use their partner's vulnerabilities against them.
Relationships not only take good communication, but also emotional maturity for them to work out. Without emotional maturity, it's very difficult or almost impossible for both parties to communicate in a healthy manner to resolve any difficulties.
Last edited by meuse; 18-06-2013 at 08:21 PM.
Well said Meuse. A good and stable relationship is when two of them handle it in a matured manner and it takes a lot of endurance and patience.
Sharing a real (short) life story to all ladies and gentlemen:
Guy A and Girl A met each other through some mutual friends. When they got together, girl A felt like she was the luckiest person on earth to meet her ideal boyfriend. They applied a flat after being together for a year plus and Guy A proposed to her. Girl A felt so blessed that she is going to get marry. This is something that she never dream of, having a future with Guy A. Girl A stood by him when he got retrenched from his job, when he fall sick and lost a lot of weight. Being together for 3 years, they are going to have their solemnisation end of this year. A few months before their solemnisation, Guy A told her he wanted to go Thailand to visit his friends (his ex gf is a thai). Girl A trusted him because she knew that trust is the basic that a relationship should have. Guy A broke up with Girl A as soon as he reached home from the airport. He told Girl A, My ex gf (a thai girl) wanted to get back with me. I'm sorry but we are not suitable. I should have ended the relationship earlier knowing that we are different. Guy A hold onto Girl A because he was scared that he had no one to spend the rest of his life with. This really broke Girl A's heart to think that she is being so true in this relationship and this was what she got in return.
Morale of the story:
To all Ladies: please open your eyes in choosing the right guy and don't be blind by love.
To all Gentlemen: please don't behave like a selfish jerk and don't waste the ladies' time and love.
Enjoy your weekend, everyone!
Very sad true story, it happened to some of us. We stood by him no matter what happened to him, yet he can be so ungrateful, unfaithful in the end. I used to be blinded by love in the past. I can't say that history won't repeat itself again, but for sure I will be smarter the next time round, cause I was bitten once, twice, and I should learn my lesson by now. Hope all the female cotters here will open your eyes too and choose the right guy to be with.
many women nowadays dont know how to back off when they know that the men are taken.
they willingly continued secretly.
Yes I have learned each time, with tears or relief. From first relationship, I learned that lifestyle differences should not be too big (he smoked all the time, inside outside, in the end it just meant he had a 'I don't care' attitude) and that relationships are not fairy tales (it is two persons mature being together, not about a prince and a princess). From second relationship, I learned to LISTEN TO ALL HE SAYS, AND NOT FILTER OUT WHAT I DONT WANT TO HEAR, he asked me on the FIRST date "do you believe in god", I said "I don't know yet, I'm agnostic", he said "It is very fundamental for me"... turns out he was into a modified Christian/indian thing that looked like a sect to me... I ignored it at the beginning, but in the end could not stand the "meditations" and singing after dinner at his parents! From third relationship (I'm in it right now, and feel it is the right one), I'm hoping that patience is a virtue and has its rewards (he does not want kids right now, while I'm 32...)