So, a nice girl like you wants a boyfriend?

[sweeties18]

Thankyou -shelter- for taking that effort to read through my long-winded post.
I am really appreciate for your reply. Sincerely.
Actually what hurt me th most wasnt how ppl doubt my appearance.
But his "i got say before ***?", when he REALLY DID. :'(
Maybe batman could verify why guys cant process words thorugh brain before coming out mouth.

Seriously, dont anyone agrees with me every human are passive?
Every beginning of chapter is a brand new nicely written.
As days goes by, everything is for granted.
When wooing = guys think before speaking.
After together, sex or marriage = all promises and sensitivity are forgotten.

Now the problem i am facing is i cant feel he still likes me in anyway anymore.
We cant communicate.
Other than i speak to him like a rat mousey softy and act pathetic, WHATEVER NEEDS or SADDNESS i voice to him deemed as = find fault in him.

Any gals experienced or guys please tell me.

IF he still really loves me as ever, why he just cant listen to my saddness?
I dont talk to him like rude or anything like that. I last time i used to be loud when i am very sad (born to be) BUT i CHANGED i am IMPROVING.

I just want a guy to care for me more.
Be more sensitive and caring.

Shouldnt everyone agrees with me that true relationship love seems real far away with the current hectic life?
I watch drama we gals touched by how the guy can do hell for a gal they like, I always thought true love is when the gal cry, the guy will be upset too and try improve and wouldnt make her cry again for the SAME REASON.
But T.v arent true isnt it? (sure some ppl will shoot be stop being immature)

Best part, my so called lover, never really cares my emotions, my saddness.
He still likes me even?

Please help me analysis.
Cos whatever i think is also wrong feel ppl will find me childish where i thought it should be a fact.
"A guy truly loves you wouldnt hurt you. It hurts to see you cry. Will never leave you no matter what."

[sweeties18]

batman... I am curious... Besides a girl's confident, what can attract to guys? I used to be quite inferior.. And now, I realised confident can bring out alot of things, I don't really dress like what normal girls do. To me, t-shirt and jeans is the best. And most impt, I know I must love myself. Is that enough? Hahaha! somehow no bees ard but I am attracted to flies..

At first i always dont understand what it means, why people says "Confidence is key to anything, especially attracting partners".

Actually until now i also cant really get the meaning.

But from my experience i can say, confidence is needed to sustain anything.
Sustain grades (believe you can do better, friends (believe what you contribute is right), relationship (believe your partner really loves you).

Being sensitive shits, being self conscious sux to the core.

Relating to your dressing enqiry, i normally dress normal not branded, but have guys interested/woo in me. But once got a studious guy tell me
"you know last time i find you very Mei de..",
I asked "why not anymore le wor",
he says "hmm cos last time your dressing more variety, now more or less same."

You know how i almost palm-smacking my face?
Like that also can.
Not as if i have to ask him to tell me say i am pretty or what, but suddenly a person say like that you from mei to not so mei, you tell will sian or not.
Moral of story, as much i wan to deny (cos i also not money and mood to always dress), reality holds true.

If my experience is not well understood enough, isuggest you can have a look at this particular thread which i find it very helpful for us gals to face this cruel reality. I also today then read this that thread de.

Hi Ladies. Men do judge your appearance

[-Shelter-]

Hi sweeties18,

Hope that you are feeling much better now. I will be glad to lend a listening ear (or reading eyes in this case).

Don’t mind me for been straight, but the problem lies with 2 words. Taken it for granted and having expectation.

As you mentioned, guys before getting attached, the smallest thing that the girl wants he will pay attention to it. After getting attached, they simply take it for granted.

Why is this so? Communication and keeping each other on check and track is important in a relationship.

In the animal kingdom, male species size themselves up to be attractive to mate so that they can ensure their gene can carry on. The female choose the best to mate so that their gene can carry on also. After mating, the male is off to do their own stuff. That is in the animal world. There is no emotion baggage which is unlike human.

It is only primal instinct in men to size themselves up just to be more attractive to the opposite sex. After getting the girl, then the honeymoon period, then things slowly burn in. Couples start to have expectation of each other and take each other for granted.

Both parties must work hard to keep the passion burning. Commitment, patience, understanding and communication are very important to maintain a healthy relationship.

I still can sense that you are still angry with your bf.

Take some time to cool off and do something that will cheer you up. No point visiting this issue when your heart, mind, body and soul are clouded with anger.

I agree with you that guys should be sensitive and more caring, but guys on the other hand hope that their gf are more understanding and have more patience.

The thing is that we are all programmed to think that relationships are like in the TV, movies or cartoons where the ending is beautiful or “Happily Ever After”. But the truth is far from it, it can be cold and cruel and materialistic world. Yet, even so, there is always hope, love and passion. Human life and relationship is very complex and there is no “modern answer” which can be found in any books or colleges that can impart it.

I don’t think that you are childish. I am serious. I just feel that, you are an idealist that’s all.

Well, not sure what can cheer you up but just take some time to go on a shopping spree or do things that you like to make you feel better. When you are much better, then look at this matter again. Hope that helps. Have a nice weekend ahead. Cheerz.

[wingbliss]

@sweeties18

my 2 cents
I am not going to talk about expectations bringing pain... nor accessing your self worth based on other's opinion is tiring.

You have all rights to expect from your BF. You are afterall special to him.

Tell him (like an adult) that it is HURTFUL.

1a) If he cares, he should listen & understand that YOU are like this.
Expectation/emotional/sensitivity may not be "rational".. but it is you.
You are like this & you need time to "improve".

1b) He might also explain that he can't meet your expectations... but he will try... (that is still fine... at least he is willing to try)

2a) If he doesn't & throw up a fuss or RUN away....
then.. I am sorry that this relationship can be tough.. communication has broken down.

2b) If this happens.. tell yourself this.. he may not be the right person to fit your expectations (you have all rights to your expectations)

[WinnieNggie]

Hi all,

I hope someone can enlighten me on this. I joined a social event recently and was interested on this particular guy but didn't have the chance to talk to him much because he was sitting far away. I took up the courage to email him after the event to ask whether I could add him on FB and he agreed right away. His tone in the email seems rather friendly. I left a private msg on FB to him introducing myself and asked what kind of things he would usually do but I had yet to receive his reply. However it seems that he is active on FB because I could see some new postings on his wall. Should I try to email and introduce myself again? Could it because we didn't talk much that night and he feels that it is weird that I try to contact him?

Thanks!

[amylee85]

Hi WinnieNggie

Do just be prepared as well that he may not actually be interested in re-communicating with you. Being friendly in the initial email will not mean much as well.

Or, it could be he does not usually check the PMs as he may have too many, or just does not really bother to check.

Take it easy for now, and if things do not work out, hey, it's a big world out there

[khongming]

Hi all,

I hope someone can enlighten me on this. I joined a social event recently and was interested on this particular guy but didn't have the chance to talk to him much because he was sitting far away. I took up the courage to email him after the event to ask whether I could add him on FB and he agreed right away. His tone in the email seems rather friendly. I left a private msg on FB to him introducing myself and asked what kind of things he would usually do but I had yet to receive his reply. However it seems that he is active on FB because I could see some new postings on his wall. Should I try to email and introduce myself again? Could it because we didn't talk much that night and he feels that it is weird that I try to contact him?

Thanks!

What he is doing is to collect resources and process his selection.
Hate to say this, but you're not in his 1st level of selection.
By 1st Selection, are those whom he is interested and focus on advancing on those.

The very first "rule" is somewhat broken - never approach guys.
Always set up opportunities for them to approach you.
He might msg you again (don't count on it though) after he's done with his sourcing.

I think you're very brave to take the initial step.
1 email and 1 FB msg is enough on your part. If he is interested, he'll reply.

Take Care.